Friday, 24 July 2015

The Yoyo-ing Effect

I feel quite ashamed that I haven't managed to write a new post telling you the latest news. The comments in the last post were so kind and I realise that everyone must be wondering what has happened and how we're getting on because over my years of blogging, I've made some good friends who care about us both and I also feel this connection with you all.

The truth is that we're in a very similar position to the last time I wrote. Harry must have been a very strong person because his body has been trying to move on to better things for well over a year now but something manages to pull him back just as we are all despairing and resigning ourselves to the inevitable.

So the only way I can describe my life really is that I'm yoyo-ing backwards and forwards from one extreme to the other and trying to live in the present and just get on with things.
As Harry's life becomes narrower and narrower, I wonder what pleasures he has left as he's totally bed bound, so cannot now see the beautiful garden with the squirrels and birds that he used to enjoy so much and can only eat pureed food spasmodically and has great difficulty communicating.
However, inside his head, he knows what's going on and can experience all the frustrations of his restricted world just the same as you or I could. He has TV which he sometimes enjoys but probably listens to when he can't find the strength to watch.
I go in to see him for a few hours everyday. Some days he can laugh and is interested in talking and listening but other times he doesn't really know I'm there. I never know what to expect when I go in. Each day is different. Harry doesn't stay on the the same level but swings from near unconsciousness to being alert and I do think of a yoyo because of the extreme of it all.

The local Hospice Specialist Care Nurse comes to see him/me weekly and they do support family as well as the patient.
Unfortunately it is Charity funded and only has 12 beds for the whole of our city and because of his unpredictability has no chance of getting in there. They do wonderful support behind the scenes and I do owe them for their considerable support over the last year or so.

So thats our life in a nutshell. Yes, a yoyo just about describes everything.