Thursday, 10 September 2015

Celebration of Harry's Life

In my last post, I knew that Harry was really ill and hadn't much longer to live. I posted it on the Friday and by the evening the GP had rung me to say that he probably wouldn't last the weekend. So I planned to spend all day if necessary, on Saturday and his twin was going too and also my brother, Eddy
However, Harry had other ideas and decided to go to be with the Lord during the early hours of Saturday morning, so nobody got to see him before he died. I was disappointed and angry at first but now feel very grateful to have been able to sit with him and smooth his hair for a long time on Friday afternoon. He wasn't conscious anyway.

Now I have to plan the funeral. It is a lonely and overwhelming thing to be doing.
He loved bright colours and we don't want folk mooching about in black on his funeral day.
The grandchildren he loved so much will read poems and scripture and play musical instruments. We will sing his favourite hymns and tell each other afterwards all the little things that made Harry who he was. He'd have loved that and I sometimes find myself wishing I could tell him things that we're planning to do for him.

Although I've not had Harry with me at home for 6 months now and I'm so well used to being on my own in the house and making decisions and things like that, I shall miss him so much and will now have a large chunk of my day to fill in as I won't be going to visit him any more.

Harry, we almost made 53 years of married life. 
Thank you for being my faithful companion all these years of ups and downs. I have some wonderful and sometimes funny memories that nobody can ever take away from me.
I will always love you and you'll be missed more than you could imagine.
I know you've moved on to a better life, free from pain. I expect I'll be with you before too long.

Lots of Love

Thank you everyone who wrote such lovely comments in my last post. I will get back to you before too long.......

Friday, 4 September 2015

Letting go.......

Schools went back this week and there is a distinct chilly feel to the mornings and the evenings are drawing in. I guess Autumn is on it's way and I only have very late summer flowers struggling to bloom in the garden now. It's not my most favourite of times.

Harry is still with us but is very much weaker. I go most days to the nursing home but yesterday I went to Weston Super Mare on the bus and spent three hours in the cool sunshine by the sea. I walked from one end of the promenade to the other (which involved several miles) and then I walked back again.
There is a Banksy display at one end of the promenade in a disused open air swimming baths. I would have had to queue for hours to get in to see the street art and all the controversial paraphernalia that people either love or hate.
I would have liked to see it if I'd have had more time and am thinking of making an effort to get a ticket before it finishes in a few weeks time.
Google him if you'd like to find out more, but I know most people in Britain know all about him and will have their own opinions as to whether they want to see the exhibition or wouldn't touch it with a barge pole.

One of the positive things that has happened over the last few weeks is that I'm a Great Aunt for the second time running, as my niece gave birth to Rosa who looks so cute in the photos that I've seen. Those who follow my brother, Eddy Bluelights  blog will probably have seen the latest photos of her and brother Peter. 
They are at the beginning of their lives with the possibility of great things happening to them, while Harry is at the end of his...... but something keeps him strong enough to press on for more time.
I do hope that he is having positive things happening to him in his imagination. Occasionally he opens his eyes and says *Hello* with a smile and then falls back asleep again. He doesn't seem to remember much about who comes or goes. I very much miss the *old* Harry and often expect to see him with me when I wake from dozing in front of TV most evenings. I have a flash of disappointment when I see the empty chair.
Its not easy letting go.